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50 Signs You Are a Hardcore "Fifty Shades" Fan
1.You own the e-copies, softcovers, hardcovers, and movie-cover versions of the books.
2. You've bought the kinky Lovehoney'sFifty Shades collection — blindfold, whips, and ties — even if you have nobody to use it with.
3.You gasped when you discovered that the cork of theFifty Shadeswine says, "You Are Mine." (Of course you've tried the wine.)
4.You've ordered a glass of Bollinger Grande Année Rosé 1999 at dinner and asked the waiter to serve it in a teacup.
5.You've definitely Googled what "topping from the bottom" means.
6.You start referring to the thoughts in your head as your "inner goddess."
7.You can't see an Audi pass by without screaming, "CHRISTIAN."
8.You've actually gone to an Audi retailer and asked to sit in the "submissive special."
9.You've made your significant other order a gin and tonic (Hendricks with cucumber, to be exact).
10.You've already got aFifty Shadesplaylist on your iPod, yet the soundtrack hasn't been released yet.
11.You take photos of theFifty Shadesdisplays at theaters and text them to your girlfriend with a squeal, stating, "I CAN'T WAIT!"
12.You try to make a reservation at Escala, but cry when you realize you can't.
13.Instead you consider planning a trip to Portland with a stay at The Heathman Hotel for The Fifty Shades of Oregon VIP Adventure (hoping Christian Grey is included).
14.You make your significant other take you to IHOP for breakfast.
15.You've dated a guy with a pool table just to have sex on one.
16.You've mastered kegel exercises.
17.Silver balls have a whole new meaning in your life.
18.You'll never view tampons the same way again.
19.You only buy Twining's English breakfast tea and now hate coffee.
20.You've asked your boyfriend to email instead of text.
21.Anytime you're holding a stack of papers you have an overwhelming urge to throw them in the air and say, "Fuck the paperwork!"
22. You own a lot of riding gear for someone who's never been on a horse or even to a ranch.
23.You got upset that they won't be showing Jamie Dornan's "todger" on-screen.
24.You can't walk into a hardware store without blushing.
25. You know a "bookgasm" is real — thanks to Mr. Grey.
26.You're responsible for at least 1 million views of the trailer.
27. You hope every elevator you enter has a good-looking man who you will "spark"with — because "what is it about elevators?"
28. Riding crops make you giggle.
29.You purchased theFifty ShadesOPI nail polish and theFifty ShadesMake Up For Ever kits.
30.When Charlie Hunnam was first announced as Christian Grey, you automatically began watchingSons of Anarchy.
31. When Jamie Dornan was then announced as Christian Grey, you automatically began watchingThe FallandOnce Upon a Time.
32. You never read Thomas Hardy'sTess of the D'Urbervilles until now.
33.You've purchased a plum-colored dress and tall, black boots.
34. You nitpick every detail of the trailer, down to the fact that Anastasia had her hair in pigtails in the novel when dancing and making breakfast for Christian. The trailer shows her hair in a bun. OUTRAGEOUS!
35. You find yourself defending the books and Christian to anyone who bashes the story or him.
36. You're flying to another city to watch the movie with your girlfriend who fangirls over Christian as much as you do.
37. You start saying "Oh, my …" when you see a handsome man pass you.
38. You've become a habitual lip-biter.
39. Your makeup routine now follows Ana's. Mascara and lip gloss — done!
40. You've named your cat Charlie Tango.
41.You start thinking any woman named Leila is a threat.
42.You ask your boyfriend to say "Laters, baby" as a farewell.
43.You visit Sherwin Williams to find the perfect red to paint your room.
44. If you ever got arrested, being cuffed would be a turn-on.
45. You realize you still do vanilla — but now with sprinkles on top.
46. You had your own dream cast in mind and petitioned for those actors.
47. You ask your significant other to learn the meaning of "the twitching palm."
48. The workers at the local intimate apparel and toy store now know your name.
49. Your boyfriend/husband thanks E.L. James as much as you do.
50. You've had your movie tickets purchased since the moment they went on sale.
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