A bit of medical humor

The inscription on the door of the psychiatrist's office: “Please keep silence. Remember: you are not alone. They hear you ... They are everywhere! "

 

- Doctor, I just found out: intern Sidorov will operate on me.
- Yes, the operation tomorrow.
- So after slaughter!
- And we will give him a two. ***

Petya smoked 20 cigarettes a day, and Kohl smoked 15 cigarettes a day.
Question: Does Kohl worry that Pete is mentioned in the past tense? ***

"You will not have a cigarette?"
"I will not have a cigarette or lung cancer."

Dentists are funny people:
- Man, here you will have a bridge ... And here, I think, too ... Eh ... Just like in Venice! ***

At a music contest in a medical institute.
The song “There is no Better Light” was presented by the Department of Pathological Anatomy.
The song "Someone Has Gone Down" was presented by the Department of Traumatology and Orthopedics.
The song "Quietly with myself, I'm leading the conversation" was presented by the Department of Psychiatry.
The song "I Will Survive You, My Beloved" was presented by the Department of Skin and Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
The song "I would just run around the bend," presented the Department of Urology.
The song “Sweet Berry Torn Together, I Alone Bitter Berry” was introduced by the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology. ***

The inscription on the door of the psychiatrist's office:
“Please keep quiet. Remember: you are not alone. They hear you ... They are everywhere! ”***

Action in the clinic: go without shoe covers and get a referral from the cleaning lady to the queue without a turn. ***

We have two types of free medical care available: healing starvation and urinotherapy.

***

The loser comes to the psychiatrist:
- Doctor, the case has started! Today I dropped the sandwich, and it fell with oil up!
The doctor takes a sandwich from the patient's hands, studies it for a long time and says:
- No, my friend, you just smeared it on the wrong side. ***

There are trials of new drugs. Patients are divided into two groups: experimental and control.
One of the patients comes to the doctor:
- Doctor, why did you replace my drug?
Doctor (very carefully):
“And what makes you think that I replaced him?”
- You see, earlier, when I threw these pills in the toilet, they floated, and now suddenly began to sink. ***

Two therapists:
- How are you?
- Bad.I heal from one, and die from another ... And how are you?
- Well, from what I'm flying, they die of that !!!! ***

- What is the difference between a schizophrenic and a neurasthenic?
- The schizophrenic does not know how much two and two and calm. Neurasthenic is sure that twice two is four, but he is nervous.



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