How to cope with resentment?
Grievance is familiar to many, and sometimes it interferes with living normally and building relationships with people. But you can successfully fight him.
What is it?
Resentment - these are negative emotions associated with the reaction to the actions of another person, perceived as unfair, do not meet expectations. Psychologists believe that the development of such a feeling is based on three thinking processes: the formation of expectations, the assessment of opponent's behavior and the comparison of reality with what was expected. If reality is different from the expected, there is a reaction - insult.
A person begins to learn resentment from childhood, from about 3-5 years old, when he already evaluates the behavior of others, analyzes events, forms his own thoughts. Until this age, the child experiences only aggression and anger.
Why do we get offended?
People take offense at a variety of actions and actions, but the main reasons for the insults are only four:
- Cheated expectations. Communicating with a person, we add up the opinion about him and expect some actions, responses.Such expectations depend on the perception of the situation and relationships, on the worldview, on one’s own outlook on life. And if someone commits an act that is not acceptable to you or is different from what was expected, you are offended.
- Manipulation. If a person behaves not as he would like, you try to cause him a feeling of guilt and, as it were, deliberately inspire yourself with an insult in order to provoke remorse of conscience. So often children behave, but this behavior is also inherent in some adults.
- Unstable emotional and psychological background, stressful condition. An excited nervous system can not adequately respond to the slightest stimuli, and a person is offended over trifles and even for no reason.
- Inability to forgive. This quality usually develops with age, if a person is often offended, he loses confidence in all people and does not accept actions that do not correspond to his principles and views.
Interesting fact! Most often we are offended by close people, because we expect practically nothing from unfamiliar people, which means we do not value their actions with passion.
How to deal with resentment?
How to overcome resentment? Help in this advice:
- Tell the offender about your feelings. Do not shout at him and go on insults, just talk. Calmly express all that you think, and try to find out why the person behaved that way. He probably did not want to hurt and either made a mistake or simply did not know what was expected of him. In this case, forgiveness is required of you.
- If you can not speak out, write a letter, stating in it everything that you think and feel.
- Try to put yourself in the abuser. What would you do in such a situation, what would you do? Perhaps the person simply had no other choice.
- Analyze the situation in a calm state. Give yourself time to calm down, and then evaluate what happened. Scroll through the events in your head, remember the actions of the abuser and your own, but do not try to give your thoughts an emotional color: think coolly and soberly. This technique will allow you to get rid of negative emotions and understand what caused the chagrin.
- If the offense is “fresh”, try to just relax and relieve stress, for example, take a walk in the fresh air, listen to your favorite music, chat with a loved one (but not about your chagrin, but on abstract topics), eat something tasty.Perhaps the emotions will subside, and the insult will just go away.
- Look for a way out of negative emotions. For example, you can do sports or creativity. Such a sublimation of energy will allow to receive periodic discharges, relieve stress, streamline thoughts and achieve inner harmony.
- Learn to look at things easier and with a positive, not to take everything to heart. Optimistic attitude helps in life and eliminates the negative.
- Take out the grievance in alternative ways: weep, hit a pillow or a punching bag, tear the paper, shout. Such a splash of emotions will help to quickly cope with negative feelings.
- Use self-criticism to find out whether expectations are the result of pride and selfishness.
- There is an interesting trick: imagine yourself as the abuser’s lawyer and try to justify him, protect him. So you can understand why a person behaved that way.
The consequences of frequent offenses
What is dangerous often offended or to harbor an insult? Such a negative feeling is destructive, it literally eats from the inside and does not allow us to live a normal life. It can cause a desire for revenge, which can turn into the main goal and meaning of life.
Some doctors believe that many diseases are psychosomatic, that is, due to the deterioration of the psychological state. Indeed, stresses reduce immunity, provoke exacerbations, increase the burden on the nervous system.
Because of the offense, you can lose a loved one forever, to be left alone. Loneliness and experienced negative emotions are a direct way to depression and even mental disorders. A general dissatisfaction with life is being formed: when offended, a person fixates on himself and his feelings, does not see anything around, does not receive pleasant impressions. As a result, everyone around can suffer.
Strong resentment hurts, makes it difficult to live. To let go of this feeling, follow the recommendations given in the article.
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