My child infuriates me: the revelations of moms from the forum

Modern children are first-class manipulators. They masterfully cast the ropes of their parents, and they give up. They have no answer to the question: “What should I do?” found three interesting cases on the forum and asked psychologist Natalia Shevtsova to comment on them.

Very often from family quarrels “children - parents” are the first to emerge victorious, because adults either do not have the authority, or the strength and experience to cope with their own child. Let's try to deal with typical cases of manifestations of child disobedience.

I will not wear!

- My son is 10 years old, - says Alyona, - and, in general, he is indifferent to clothes, prefers sports pants and T-shirts. Going to the theater with the class, giving him pants and a shirt. Stood in a pose. I won't wear it. In these pants will not go, I do not like them, and I do not want this shirt. I explain to him that it’s impossible to wear a theater costume and these things were bought with his consent. The dispute lasted about 15 minutes.He was already late, but he categorically refused to go in the proposed clothes. Give me a T-shirt and school pants, I'll go for them. I gave up. Trousers that the child used to wear without problems remained out of work.
Natalya Shevtsova

- Initially, the position of a dispute between a parent and a child is already a losing option for the first. Parent - is the authority, the main person in the family, the immutable leader and commander! The life and safety of children depends on the parent. As he said, so be it. But, unfortunately, in our day, everything is mixed up and turned upside down.

We confuse care and tenderness with weakness, discipline with aggression, love with care and so on through the list! What happens when a parent argues with a child? On an intuitive level, he makes it clear that he himself is not sure of his actions, and if he is not sure, then this means that he is not competent, and if he is not competent, then there is no need to speak about authority. So the child feels that he has no one to rely on, and he has to make the decision himself. What should an adult do in this situation?

First, you need to calmly and carefully listen to the child, asking him about the reason why he does not want to wear certain clothes.Not all children at the age of 10 can adequately argue their actions, and if the child is used to being shouted and blamed on him all the time, then even if he could argue, he would not. If you are used to defending yourself against eternal attacks, insults and comparisons with other children, then it is completely natural that they will defend themselves in an accessible way: to argue, cry, act up, etc. In the meantime, the reason why he does not want to wear this or that clothes can be weighty, for example, pants are small and crush, a sweater is scratchy, a classmate or a girl whom he sympathizes laugh at. In 10 years, this problem may already be quite relevant. And it is embarrassing or embarrassing to say about this, especially if the level of trust and communication in the family is low.

It is possible that the child will react with rebellion even to your delicate questions, but do not give up, control yourself and do not slip into the usual behavior. So, step by step, adequate communication will replace scandals and disputes. The child will feel that he is respected, and over time, respect will become mutual.

I do not want and I will not!

My child infuriates me: the revelations of moms from the forum
“My daughter is already 11 years old,” Elena shares. “She’s almost alone at home all the time.”I work and do not come until 7 pm. She has few responsibilities: to wash the dishes after herself, to remove her school uniform, to do my lessons before my arrival and to assemble the briefcase for tomorrow. But the daughter does not. Can walk in the form until the evening, scatter textbooks around the apartment. Every evening we fight with her, and every time she promises to improve, but the next day everything starts all over again.
Natalya Shevtsova

- Often, children in this way try to attract the attention of their parents. Especially from the story of the mother it is obvious: the child is at home all day alone. Children are very important communication and participation of parents in their lives. It is important to share the events that happened during the day, to feel the warmth and support of a loved one.

In this case, try to make it a rule to give your daughter about 15–20 minutes after returning home. Not to have dinner together, not to check the lessons and the readiness of the backpack for tomorrow, not to blame for the fact that things are scattered, but just to talk, ask how the day went, what was at school.

Do not try to arrange an interrogation with a predilection for a tick. Children feel this much more than we, adults, think about it. Perhaps after a week of such love therapy, the child will be happy to take care of himself and the house.

I do not listen to you!

My child infuriates me: the revelations of moms from the forum
“The son, as before, when he was small and could not tear himself away from cartoons, never reacts the first time, even if he asks for it,” mother of 12-year-old Cyril complains about the behavior of her son. - You have to call for food 10 times, as a result, the food is cold. The same with gathering to visit, school, for a walk. And when he realizes that he is late, he sheds tears with accusations that it is my fault and he is late solely because of me.
Natalya Shevtsova

- I will assume that in this case the opposite situation is the past: excessive guardianship. A child already at a rather adult age behaves irresponsibly and infantilely, he also sheds tears. I'm used to it, everything is decided and done for him. Mom for him and the cook, and a cleaner, and an alarm clock, and personal secretary. In general, the servant! And before the servant to report is not accepted, but she, oddly enough, requires, also shakes her rights.

So you have to "shed tears." Here, of course, therapy will not be easy for both mother and boy. It is necessary to collect all the will into a fist and stop patronizing him. Give the reins of responsibility in his hands: do not wake up and do not push the school; late - let him answer to the teacher. Do not feed a cold lunch: missed - go hungry until the next time.

After a couple of times he will stop being late. Simply put, discipline, discipline and more discipline.If you don’t feel sorry for your son’s future, you’ll have to step over yourself and recover lost time.

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